Did you miss Part I? or? Part II
We truly must learn to effectively communicate with each other
I am learning more and more that many of us struggle to communicate with the opposite sex and I often wonder if our culture and heritage plays a huge role in that struggle. More importantly, how can we work together to pull down stereotypes and societal understandings to begin to build a structure that is grounded in healthy communication? ?If knowledge is power than it?s quite clear that if we don?t know we can?t grow. So with that being said, I want to leave some thoughts with you today. Clearly one person NEVER has all the answers, but if some questions and or thoughts are produced just maybe a path can be forged in the process of articulating about communication.
I realize I must said a mouthful, LOL, but seriously hang in there a bit with me this morning. I want to be clear I am NOT making general assumptions but just expressing some of my personal thoughts 
Last night at his request, I did an interview with Just Ask A Black Man. We follow each other on Twitter (@JustAskABlacMan). JABM wanted to have a discussion on some of my thoughts around love, dating and relationships; and as he put it he wanted it from a REAL EVERY DAY? woman?s point of view. At some point in the conversation I mentioned that I don?t particularly agree with a lot of concepts that society has deemed worthy but I do believe that we need to truly begin to communicate our thoughts and desires and convictions. OK, I might have worded it a bit different BUT it was along the same line of thought, LOL. ?Seriously though, I?m of the premise that even before your ready to jump somebody?s ?bones? HAVE A CONVERSATION!
It?s time out for ?us? to continue to place blame on everybody else but ourselves. It?s time to TAKE ownership of our ?issues? particularly if they stemmed from actions we had a choice in creating, making, solving and or absolving. It just might be possible that as we take ownership we will learn to take responsibility BEFORE we get to the chaos.
Yet with that in mind as we communicate we must be willing to not only hear but listen to what the OTHER partying is conveying. In addition, take note that perceptions are NOT always reality for perceptions are often based on our understanding and are often attributed to our culture, ethnicity and or societal economic status. ?Let me break it down ? your background impacts your thinking and understanding of what goes on in your world and the world around you. This alone is key to often comprehending why people do what they do and why they continue to produce the same outcomes.
For example, if you?ve been extremely hurt in the past the majority of your current decisions very well might be predicated on the pain that is filtering through your emotions and thought process. Bro/Sis, make a resolve that YOU need healing to make appropriate and wise decisions around love. Or, for some of us, we don?t understand what ?true? love is and believe it?s a certain set of actions. No one ever told us that love is a learned behavior and not an automatic action and or response.
JABM asked me last night can a person love unconditionally, and I responded yes I believe a person can but understand that in loving someone it takes work! One must be actively involved in the process and make a choice to love and give to that person what is necessary for them to thrive. We should never use the words ?I love you? unless we actually mean it for they are not words to be thrown out like bath water when the person we love disappoints us. Neither should they be words we choose to use looking for certain reactions from the object (person) of our love. Particularly I mentioned to the ladies, that when you use those precise words to a man who truly cares for you, trust me you have spoken to the core of HIS spirit. So as you speak love communicate appropriately.
The bottom line is, no matter what your frame of thought is around dating, love, relationships, marriage you CANNOT make an informed decision without all the facts and information pertaining to the situation and you CANNOT do that without communication.
I?m here to change the face of relationships? Are you?
Bee
2/7/12
6:13 AM
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Belinda Esther Oliver, or as she is affectionately called ?Bee? or ?Queen Bee,? is a visionary administrator, who is often asked to sit on community boards to share a fresh perspective on daily administrative problems. Belinda is a fourth-generation ?preacher?s kid,? who grew up using her talents in many areas of ministry. She has held positions as an altar worker, Sunday School teacher, worship leader, choir member, secretary, chief-of staff/assistant to state president?s, van driver, computer technician, and newsletter editor. Belinda uses, ?Teaching Lessons?Defining Moments,? as a tool to give readers insight into, and clarity about, various situations in their lives from a Godly perspective. Belinda stands in the role of mother and supporter to three young men, Scott, a culinary chef and recent graduate of Johnson & Wales University; Joshua and Josiah. An advocate of healthy marriages and relationships; Belinda is completing her B.S. in Psychology to support that goal. Belinda is a contributor to various online magazines, websites and local newspapers.
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